#Anger iceberg pdf full#

Here are some examples of ways that the anger iceberg can be helpful: When frustrated at work We can also learn more about ourselves as emotional creatures, including how we currently cope, and how we can work towards healthier styles in the future.īecause anger is such a blinding emotion, using the Anger Iceberg can be very effective any time we need to remember that our reactions aren't one-dimensional. In paying attention to the other emotions involved in an anger reaction, we can better understand why we’re so mad and find ways to dissipate this anger in a productive, meaningful way. It gives attention to the underlying feelings bubbling beneath the obvious manifestations in behavior. The anger iceberg helps us figure out what else is going on. Yet we don’t see what’s beneath the surface: The other emotions in the mix, like frustration, hopelessness, disappointment, pain, jealousy, loneliness, or fear. We see and hear yelling, stomping feet, and raised voices. The Anger Iceberg is a concept created by the Gottman Institute that describes anger like an iceberg: Above the sea, we can see the visible 'tip' of the anger. Then something happens – it could be something you see, an action someone else takes, or a thought that pops into your mind – and suddenly, you’re so angry that you want to scream. You notice something, a feeling, a little sensation in the back of your mind. You’re going through your day, life as usual, feeling just fine. It happens just like it did to the infamous Titanic. As they become more familiar with their own inner world and feelings they can teach their children to use the skill when they express themselves.Using the 'Anger Iceberg' to Identify Your Underlying Emotions The ‘Iceberg’ is a very useful way for people to learn about empathy. This skill takes time to learn and patience is needed until the new skill is mastered Naming feelings enables people to have a wider emotional vocabulary and rely less on anger. The ‘Iceberg’ allows people to name the feelings that occur in their own inner world. This concept can be used in everyday life: This will help broaden their understanding. After they have read out their example, use empathy skills to suggest a few more feelings they may have experienced. Once this is complete ask them to read aloud what they have written. The words may or may not be located under the surface in the ‘Anger Iceberg’. Ask them to cross out the word anger and replace it with another feeling word, whatever other feelings they were experiencing at that time. Some examples of other feeling words that fill the underwater part of the iceberg are:Īfter the ‘Iceberg’ is filled with feeling words ask the person to pick up the sheets that they completed earlier in the session, completing the sentence “I felt angry when….”. Other more vulnerable feelings sit below the surface of the iceberg and are primary emotions, which continue to drive the anger when it is not resolved. Write these words on the tip for the iceberg.ĭescribe the impact anger has when it is inappropriately expressed with those who are most loved or closest to us (write these words to the side of the iceberg):Įmphasise that anger is a secondary emotion. These are words that describe what other people would see when they are angry. On the whiteboard, draw the outline of the iceberg (see below).Īsk the person for words that describe their common experience of anger.

#Anger iceberg pdf full#

It is often the people we love the most who receive the full force of our anger and suffer accordingly to be able to say “NO!”, “ENOUGH!” or “GO AWAY!” and mean itĪnger is a normal emotion and it needs to be regulated/managed and expressed appropriately However, anger is necessary as it helps people to recognise the need for maintaining boundaries i.e. From experience, anger is often scary, abusive and intimidating People mainly experience anger as a negative event. The expression of anger can be destructive or constructive.

It is just one of the emotions people experience Recognise and briefly discuss the following points:Īnger is neutral. When completed, the participants put the sheet to the side as it will be used later in the session. “I felt angry when Tom ignored me and did not do what I asked”. When to use: This exercise is used when practitioners work with men to deepen understanding about situations, anger and its consequence in their life.Ĭonducting the exercise: Ask the man to complete the short sentence “I felt angry when….” i.e. Context: This exercise is used to deepen a person’s understanding of situations that involve anger, the range of feelings experienced and its consequence.